Having a child is an incredible commitment. As a parent, you want to be there for them for the rest of your life and make sure they have everything you have the capacity to give them. Unfortunately, we can’t always control the direction our lives and relationships take. When we go through a divorce or separation we lose much of the control we have over how and when we get to spend time with our children.
Your visitation schedule might feel stringent and leave you constantly wanting more quality time with your kids. While there are avenues to getting additional time with your children, it’s also important to take this time to make the most out of the limited time you do have. After all, making the most out of this time and showing how much you care for your children can play a role in getting additional visitation rights in the future.
Focus on your children
This may seem obvious, but we’ve seen plenty of noncustodial parents waste the time they’ve already been given. Instead of clearing their schedule and making time for what their children want to do, they end up too busy to give their children the time of day.
Look, we completely understand life still goes on even in these short periods of time we have our children with us. You’re going to need to do some work or you’re going to need to take care of errands and other responsibilities. However, when it’s possible to avoid using your visitation time on tasks that don’t involve your children then it’s important to make it happen.
The courts are bound to serve the best interests of your child, and if the judicial system believes that you don’t have the best interests of your child in mind then not only will it create another hurdle to getting more time with your child but you also may lose the time you already have.
Focusing on your children can include diving into their interests, scheduling fun trips, and playing games. It can also include making sure to carve out time for school work or helping your child develop important life skills. Both parents should have a role in the education and development of their children. Being the “fun parent” might sound appealing, but these are important formative years for your children, as well.
Be flexible
A court order is a court order. If you’ve got time with your child coming up then you’re owed that time. But, we can’t be naive to the curveballs life can throw at us. There will come a time when you need to adjust your visitation schedule once or twice because of what’s going on in your life. You wouldn’t want your ex to strictly refuse to make adjustments and force you to either sacrifice that time or sacrifice whatever else you need to address.
Flexibility doesn’t mean constantly bending to the requests of your ex. Instead, it involves being open to reasonable adjustments and providing proper notice when you need a reasonable adjustment. An open line of communication will prevent either parent from having to deal with the frustrations of last-second changes.
Do not undermine the other parent
The battle is over. Your divorce or separation is filed and you’ve both moved on in your own ways. You should never try to use your child and your time with them as collateral in an ongoing battle with your ex.
Not only will this lead to extended frustrations between the adults but it will also have an impact on your children. Children of divorce already face increased probabilities of poverty, future relationship issues, education problems, and more. Dragging your battle out over months and years of visitation will only negatively impact everyone involved.
Instead of trying to talk down to the other parent and leveraging the negatives of their lifestyle, you should focus on building yourself up in the eyes of your children. At KL Family Law, we understand the importance of families moving forward with compassion and integrity. Contact our firm if you feel like your California custodial or visitation rights aren’t being respected or you need help crafting an appropriate parenting plan.
KL Family Law
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